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The Not-Eater Cold Map

Posted by Foobooz on July 22nd, 2011

Earlier this week we helped Eater come up with its Heat map of where to eat in Philadelphia right now. That got us thinking, what places are the opposite of that. Whether by cursed restaurant spaces or awful concepts. Here’s a map of the coldest spots in Philadelphia.



View Cold Map in a larger map

The Palm
Because caricatures aren’t even cool when you’re ten years old and some burnout on the Boardwalk is drawing you with a giant head, riding in a dune buggy. Because it feels like you have to be dressed like the Monopoly man just to have a drink at the bar. Because the overwrought service seems stilted even by Captain of Industry standards. And because every meal there feels like an eternity spent in the land of 10,000 grandpas.

Chenango
Think money can buy cool? Chenango will prove you wrong.

The Olive Garden on Chestnut Street
There is no such thing as a cool Olive Garden. But when you’ve got 10 Arts, Zavino, Capital Grille, McGillin’s, El Vez and about a dozen other good restaurants all within a couple blocks, what’s your excuse for eating here? Are the breadsticks really THAT good?

GiGi
An “International” menu that reads like a field manual on how to be mediocre at everything and bad service to boot? You can do better. And should.

9th and Passyunk
Philadelphia’s nexus of cheesesteak mediocrity. There are dozens of better cheesesteaks around town. Sure they aren’t open at 3 a.m. but do you really need a cheesesteak at that time, fatty?

Jolly’s Dueling Pianos
Jolly’s piano bars never seem to end well (see the eviction notice still in the window at 20th and Chestnut). And the Academy House spot is definitely cursed. Since its successful run as Marabella’s it has been a succession of short-lived concepts from the Smoked Joint to Sakeya.

Xchange
So is this place open or not? We’ve seen the doors open irregularly over the summer, mainly for Sips. But why bother, nothing works here. Just ask Blue Horseshoe, 20 S 20, Center City Grille or the other forgotten concepts that have been there.

City Tavern
The government owned restaurant is having its lease put out to bid. We don’t think that’ll fix are issues with the reconstruction of a Colonial tavern. Namely the sight of poor waiters and waitresses dressed in Colonial garb and that $22 turkey pot pie, we’ve heard stories about that one.


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    This entry was posted on Friday, July 22nd, 2011 at 10:11 am and is filed under Food Nerd News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.

    • http://www.HollyEats.com Holly Moore

      Caricatures are indeed cool, and I’m not saying that just because I finagled my way onto the wall of the Palm by writing an article on how one gets his caricature on the wall of the Palm. The Palm is rock solid – arid martini, perfectly broiled thick slab of steak, hash browns and creamed spinach sides, grumpy servers. Of course, the mere fact that I am a fan of the Palm may justify its presence on the “Cold Map.”

      Pat’s haters just don’t get cheesesteaks.

    • Pedro Dias

      Pat’s-and-Geno’s haters just don’t get nostalgia and kitsch, Holly. We get cheesesteaks just fine – like John’s for instance: I’ll let you treat me to one of those any time.

    • kepjl20

      In line with the Olive Garden comment, how does the Applebee’s on 15th stay open? I went in there after many beers one Saturday night to find out and the bartender was very accomodating in giving me his real feelings. “I don’t know either. It sucks here.”, he said.

    • Ryan

      Applebee’s is just a front for the Gold Club out back… and I kinda like the City Tavern

    • barryg

      How about:
      Pod – can’t believe they are still running this lame concept

      DeNardo’s – who goes here voluntarily?

      Buca di Beppo – borderline inedible.

      Marathon Grill – would be ok if it was half the price and a fast takeout place.

      Melrose Diner – what a waste for a great building with great history. I don’t think the food could be much worse at this point.

      Lovash – expensive and bland

      R2L – I wish the quality of the bartenders and servers were as good as the view.

      Monk’s – Beer list might still be the best, but lots of competition in that department these days; just riding on reputation.

      Tacconelli’s – they must have some kind of reality distortion field, the crust is ok but everything they put on it is cheap and crappy.

    • Snake

      What’s the definition of cold here? Pats and Genos always have a minimum 10 person line, even at 3AM.

    • Snake

      @kepjl20

      I’ve been in that Applebee’s. Basically, it’s an Applebees. But it does indeed have 1 purpose and great feature. On Sundays for football, they do have the NFL package and you will likely be the only people at the bar with beer specials. They actually gave us the remotes last year and allowed us to choose which TVs got which games.

      It looked like most employees were Temple students making a little extra cash.

    • Mike

      How about a list of restaurants with fantastic air conditioning.

    • Charles

      @Ryan, no applebee’s isn’t a front for the gold club, which shares a building with Locust Rendezvous. lol. it’s a corporate chain. I assume it’s company-owned rather than franchised, because it would be out of business if it were. not really sure why they ever thought that location would work. they’d be much better off in/near liberty place or at the foot of some other high-rise.

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