Celebrating The End Of Shark Week in Philly (And Camden)

We Americans are an indifferent people. There’s not much that brings us together as a nation. Yet for some reason that none of us here can understand, we as a society go totally shark-shit crazy for Shark Week. You parents must feel this bite acutely, as we reckon your kids have been up your ass about it for the past six days. If you don’t want them to run away to Woods Hole some cult that worships marine life, redeem your shark cred before Sunday.

Bring the older ones to The Feeding Fury at Adventure Aquarium in Camden, where they’ll watch as shark chefs prepare shark entrees then pole-feed the creatures themselves. Let the younger ones pet real sharks and wander through the shark tunnel. And if they whine about being kept from feeding with their older siblings, remind them that little children make excellent chum. Save $2 off each admission by forcing everyone in the family – teenagers included — to wear a homemade shark fin as a hat. You’ll appreciate the savings when you find out you just dropped $150 so that your child could take over the duties of the animal husbandry team.

If everyone escapes Adventure Aquarium in one piece, celebrate by proving human dominance over the animal kingdom with a nice meal … of shark. Chinatown is full of restaurants that serve shark fin soup, jacked up with crab and/or chicken. Prices range from $14.95 per person at Jade Harbor Seafood Restaurant (where you can also order jellyfish, snail, duck feet, various frog parts and, mercifully, a strong drink) to $35 per person at Joy Tsin Lau, whose owners should train employees not to answer, “Oh, it’s really expensive,” when food writers call to ask about the price of their shark fin soup.

Another option for you shark-o-philes who either A) left your kids with the aquarium’s husbandry team with strict instructions to feed them to the fishes, or B) care that shark is overfished, controversial and in some places illegal to eat, is to just hit up an adult establishment that’s playing off the theme of Shark Week without actually serving it. Old Eagle Tavern is showing Shark Week programming on TV, frying up fish tacos and pouring Port Brewing’s Shark Attack double red ale. And The Artful Dodger is screening Jaws at 8pm every night through Sunday, during which time they’ll mark down Landshark Lagers, Shark Bite cocktails (Landshark and lime vodka), bloody marys (nice…), cans of Narragansett beer (which appears in the film), and bottles of Foster’s, which we guess is Australian for “get the hell out of the water you dumb-ass shark bait.”

Adventure Aquarium [Official website]

Shark Week [Discovery Channel]

Shark Week on Twitter [Just so you don’t miss anything]